Tuesday, 7 January 2020

From Upstairs...

From upstairs

She hears his cup

Touching the saucer

A gentle tap

Yet, more unsteady than it used to be

And the TV's playing re-runs

Of a show he likes

And his soft laughter

Gives her permission to breathe

And she checks the time

To make sure his medication

Is all lined up

And ready for him to take

And she wipes her eyes

So he will never notice

Her tears nor hear the hurt

As her heart breaks

Then, a smile in place

She goes and sits beside him

And he talks about the future

And the things they'll do

When he is better and their life 

Is back on track again

When his pain's all gone

And they can then pursue

The dreams they'd always dreamed of

And the promises

They'd made the other

Many years ago

When his steps were strong

And her voice did not tremble

When the happy face she wore

Was not all show

Then his eyes begin to close

As tiredness takes him

So she gently pulls the throw

Around his form

And she hopes he cannot sense

The sobs inside her

As she swallows hard

To try and block their flow

Then moving to the armchair

She sits down awhile

Her own eyes heavy

But her mind rejecting sleep

And she looks around the room

Packed with their memories

And as he softly snores

She quietly weeps

"Dear God, I'm begging

Please don't let me lose him

But more than that

Don't let him lose himself

He's a good man who deserves

To live a full life

Take me instead

And release him from this hell"

Then the phone rings

And his mother asks "How is he?"

And she lies and tells her

"He's doing just fine"

'Cos the age and distance

Of this gentle woman

If told the truth right now

Would destroy her mind

But the time will come

When those words

Must be spoken

And that time creeps ever closer

By the day

And she dreads that moment

For a million reasons

Each of those reasons

A teardrop wrapped in pain

And the days move on

And he's slipping ever further

To a place where she just wishes

She could go

To walk with him 'till he found

His peaceful Paradise

His pain removed

His energies restored

There she'd wait with him awhile

Until passed loved ones

Gathered round to greet him

With cheery smiles

As the wagging tails of passed pets

Glad to see him

Marked the air

With wonderful memories

Of different times

And seeing his contentment

She'd return once more

Back to the earthly world

Where she missed him so

But with certain knowledge

That one day they would meet again

And this time they'd hold the other

And never let go.

(The image below is a sculpture made possible thanks to the amazing soul Lucy, the Holistic Practitioner at Willowbrook Hospice...and it is embedded with mine and Michael's handprints...joined in clay...but forever imprinted on my heart)

© Copyright Lynn Gerrard