Tuesday, 7 January 2020

From Upstairs...



From upstairs

She hears his cup

Touching the saucer

A gentle tap

Yet, more unsteady than it used to be

And the TV's playing re-runs

Of a show he likes

And his soft laughter

Gives her permission to breathe

And she checks the time

To make sure his medication

Is all lined up

And ready for him to take

And she wipes her eyes

So he will never notice

Her tears nor hear the hurt

As her heart breaks

Then, a smile in place

She goes and sits beside him

And he talks about the future

And the things they'll do

When he is better and their life 

Is back on track again

When his pain's all gone

And they can then pursue

The dreams they'd always dreamed of

And the promises

They'd made the other

Many years ago

When his steps were strong

And her voice did not tremble

When the happy face she wore

Was not all show

Then his eyes begin to close

As tiredness takes him

So she gently pulls the throw

Around his form

And she hopes he cannot sense

The sobs inside her

As she swallows hard

To try and block their flow

Then moving to the armchair

She sits down awhile

Her own eyes heavy

But her mind rejecting sleep

And she looks around the room

Packed with their memories

And as he softly snores

She quietly weeps

"Dear God, I'm begging

Please don't let me lose him

But more than that

Don't let him lose himself

He's a good man who deserves

To live a full life

Take me instead

And release him from this hell"

Then the phone rings

And his mother asks "How is he?"

And she lies and tells her

"He's doing just fine"

'Cos the age and distance

Of this gentle woman

If told the truth right now

Would destroy her mind

But the time will come

When those words

Must be spoken

And that time creeps ever closer

By the day

And she dreads that moment

For a million reasons

Each of those reasons

A teardrop wrapped in pain

And the days move on

And he's slipping ever further

To a place where she just wishes

She could go

To walk with him 'till he found

His peaceful Paradise

His pain removed

His energies restored

There she'd wait with him awhile

Until passed loved ones

Gathered round to greet him

With cheery smiles

As the wagging tails of passed pets

Glad to see him

Marked the air

With wonderful memories

Of different times

And seeing his contentment

She'd return once more

Back to the earthly world

Where she missed him so

But with certain knowledge

That one day they would meet again

And this time they'd hold the other

And never let go.


(The image below is a sculpture made possible thanks to the amazing soul Lucy, the Holistic Practitioner at Willowbrook Hospice...and it is embedded with mine and Michael's handprints...joined in clay...but forever imprinted on my heart)



© Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Wednesday, 14 August 2019

And Yet...



Love

The most beautiful

And yet

The most cruel

Of afflictions




Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard



An Angel...



An angel

Sent me a feather today

A gentle reminder

That despite my dismay

An ethereal being

Is guarding my soul

Guiding my actions

Directing life's goals

And thanks to this token

It's now very clear

I am what I am

'Cos of dear Lucifer




Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Thursday, 6 June 2019

I May Be...




I may be old

I may be dated

Much of me

May be battered

And jaded

Yet, my ancient husk

Despite the grime

Still holds

More tales of 

Once Upon A Time




Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Friday, 17 May 2019

The Lint Roller...



When we are born

From the moment we're pushed out

Evicted, through grunts an' shouts

It begins

The sticky stuff covering us

Starts attracting life's detritus

And it clings

The midwife may wipe it off

But that does not mean

It's not there

Collecting from life

Every hurt caused by strife

Until we're

Worn down by the weight of it

Self-worth fading bit by bit

Losing hope

Of ever recovering

As problems keep piling in

It's like a coat

Made entirely from misery

And societies warped trickeries

Heavy and coarse

And like lint roller fluff

It builds up and builds up

But...

...let's just PAUSE

As tough as the job may be

There ARE ways we can be free

Over time

By seeing each challenge

As a positive to be managed

And not a bind

And by changing our focus

From the negatives that poke at us

Soon enough

Life's lint roller will clear

We'll face the future without fear

And our fluff will have finally

Fluffed off!




Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Dear Mental Health Issues...



Dear Mental Health Issues

You free-loadin' tossers!

Squatting there inside my mind

Thinking you're the bosses

Of all that's me an' all I am

Trying to make me feel

Worthless, useless, hopeless

As you gnaw at my self-esteem

Well, I've had a little look at you

And here is my assessment

So crawl, parasites, from your lair

It's time for YOUR debasement

ANXIETY, you cunning runt

Warping my perception

Of life events as you invent

Distraction through deception

Flooding me with dread and fear

Each time I dare to feel

A little spark of freedom

Or a chirpy chink of cheer!

And then there's you

 Vile PANIC ATTACK

You prick-ly, pilfering coward

Stealing all resolve from me

To make YOU feel empowered

Causing me to choke and gasp

As heart begins to pound

Sweating, trembling, vomiting

My life's clock counting down

And don't think I've forgotten you

  Clucking AGORAPHOBIA

Pecking at my liberty

By installing paranoia

Holding me a captive

Trapped inside my mind

Social trepidation

Keeping me confined

Within the walls I know as home

Where even there I fret

Thanks to your convincing me

That everywhere's a threat!

But you don't work alone with this

Your sidekick's OCD's

Each acting as my jailer

Enforcing actions on repeat

So my time is all consumed

By needy, needy you

Inducing my distress as I obsess

In all I do

Whilst YOU, dirtbag DEPRESSION

Skulk sleazily in the wings

Preparing for your entrance

When you'll play with my feelings

Instilling me with hopelessness

And blinding desolation

Revelling in my deep despair

 And disassociation 

Well, ENOUGH!

Is what I say

Each of you must go!

It may take time but all my mind

Will once more be my own

And on that day I'll celebrate

When finally it's revealed

How weak YOU are

How strong I AM

And how much YOU needed ME!




Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Tuesday, 23 April 2019

Paint Me...



Paint me.

Paint me through the rugged brushstrokes

Of your kisses

Through the unbridled urgency of your art

Favour not

A gentle sweep upon the canvas that is me

Allow the passionate colours splayed upon your palette

To thrust the rude energy of their discharge

Throughout and within me

Unreservedly 

Unforgivingly

And let my image be forever embedded

Upon the libidinous landscape

Of your soul.




Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard

(artwork by Guen Dirks)