Many of those who know me, through the curious catacombs of social media, will know me best as The Grumbling Gargoyle, writer, poet and lover of all things weird and wonderful.
Well, this Gargoyle has her own thing of wonder to share with you, and in order to do so she must strip herself of her stony garb and, as Lynn Gerrard, stand bare before you, to reveal all!...(no need for sick bags, I was speaking metaphorically)...let me explain.
In a bid to contain my excitement, I, that being the person beneath the granite, Lynn, am attempting to tell you this thing in a low key manner, whilst inwardly throwing a salvo of air punches to the sky!
Indeed, I am sat with a leisurely pose, breezily prodding at my keyboard, with the casual poke of a nonchalant typing finger.
Oh who am I trying to kid?....
.....enough of that feigned composure!!...let's release the rapture!!....
I HAVE JUST SIGNED A FOUR BOOK CONTRACT FOR MY POETRY!!!....*does a little dance*...Yes!! I know!! Fantastic eh?....*does another little dance*
Fabulous Wallace Publishing, after viewing my work, decided to sign me up and I am most ecstatic, to say the least! It will be a few months before the first book will be available for purchase, as there's a lot that needs organising prior to its release, but I seriously cannot wait!
I'm equally pleased because those loyal and much appreciated followers of my work, will finally be able get their hands on the book they have requested from me, for such a long time!
Of course, at some point, in the not too distant future, the first book will be available for pre-order and I'll make that announcement when the time comes so you are assured of being one of the first to get your copy either in paper back form or as an e-book.
For obvious reasons I haven't a title to share yet, or a cover to reveal, that will happen soon HOWEVER what I do have, is the promise of a fun packed launch party, to be held in my much loved home town of St Helens!
The venue itself has still to be arranged but wherever it is, there will be plenty of entertainment and lots for you to enjoy including performances by local artists and a smidgen of performance poetry chucked in, by yours truly!
Oh and don't worry, for those who live too further afield to attend in person, you won't miss out on the evening because you'll be able to join in with the frivolity online, via Live Streaming...(all will be explained closer to the time).
So, there we go! Exciting times indeed!
Now, whilst I am really looking forward to a future with Wallace Publishing, and delighted that they are keen to publish my poetry, I haven't forgotten everybody else!
I am most conscious that without the support and encouragement of my family, friends and of all those generous people who have, via Twitter, Facebook and through following my blog, shared my work with many other people, who might not have seen it otherwise, I may not have been in the position I am now...
So I will take this opportunity to say... "thank you everyone, I am genuinely grateful to you and you've done a great job" But no sitting back yet!...we've books to sell!
Those of you who have read part one of 'Grumbling Gargoyle and Mother Gargoyle...(GG & MG)...On Tour', will be familiar with the sufferings of my goodly self and those of my numerous neuroses, experienced during our stay with my fabulous and slightly unnerving, octogenarian MG, in a beautiful villa in Spain, last summer. For those of you who haven't a clue what I'm going on about, here's the link so you can catch up... CLICK HERE
As for the rest of you...well, let's carry on with the crazy!... WEEK TWO: EXPLORATION Set off to explore beautiful village of Frigiliana - Reach destination - Instantly regret wearing strapless sandals - Commence to walk around village, feet loudly slapping upon pavement drawing attention of bemused passers by - Consider that flippers would have been less of an obstacle!
Catch MG grinning as she flounces off, thanks to the confident strides her sensible, yet very fashionable, footwear of choice provides - Slap and flap a bit faster to try and catch up with her - Look like escapee from clown school!
Despite splendour of surroundings, realise we haven't seen a smiling face since arrival - Wonder if entire village is on Depressants - Barely processed that thought when scooter-riding local buzzes by with a cheery 'Ola' - Note maniacal glint in his eye and a smile like a crack in a paving slab - Decide he must be the resident serial killer eyeing up his next project.
Proceed to quaint shopping area, delighting in the architecture and storytelling mosaics, Frigiliana's Moorish history has on offer - Marvel as traditional baker gently breaks silence of serene setting, by selling his wares through melodic song of his sales pitch - Grimace as random tourist, no doubt English, loudly instructs him to "Piss off" Agree with MG that coffee would be good idea - MG points to cafe - I point to another, - MG sighs but we go with my one - Sit at table wearing infantile expression of a winner - MG orders beverages and pops to loo - Upon return I make same visit
Find myself in small cupboard which worryingly doubles as loo and storage area for crates of bottled drinks! - Notice disturbing design on toilet lid of two penises, each supposedly coloured and sized to represent certain 'alleged' cultural differences.
Walk back to table and the arched, 'I-told-you-we-should-have-gone-to-the-other-cafe', eyebrow of MG - Sigh and sip my coffee, on the naughty chair. Mid week, excited to travel to Granada to visit home and museum of someone I've admired for a long time, playwright and poet Federico Garcia Lorca. Walk through the idyllic, leafy grounds with MG - Gasp as house comes into view - Quicken steps as reach front door - Pause to allow hand to brush upon the window shutter, the very one that Lorca himself may have touched, at some point. Struggle to turn door handle for access - Struggle some more - And then even more. Resist urge to kick door in - Consider using MG as battering ram - Finally accept museum is closed - Loudly explore numerous profanities.
Mind travels back to San Francisco visit of previous year with MG to see Alcatraz - Equally as excited - Tickets bought well in advance - 'The Voices' put on hold - We get there to discover - Alcatraz put on CLOSED thanks to federal governments 'shut down'! - Glare at MG, seeing her NOT for the first time as being The Harbinger of Doom and thereby fully responsible for both iconic places being shut - Feel MG's accusing eye glaring at me with equal blame whilst the hint of a smirk begins to graze across her lips!
Begin journey back to villa - Stop at traffic lights near bus stop - Spot blind woman waiting for bus - Watch her pick nose - Watch her eat harvested produce - Watch her slowly chew - Oblivious to presence of other, inches behind her - Watch 'other' dry heave'
Last day before packing for home - Go into Nerja with MG for meal - Sit at table in beautiful sunshine outside restaurant - Order food - Listen to guy playing guitar - Am only one to applaud when he's finished song
Instantly he's on me - Hand out for money - Try to explain was just appreciating his music, wasn't looking to sponsor him - Recoil at MG's burning look of disdain, in my direction, as she passes him euros.
Drinks arrive - Large glass of wine each - Wrong wine - Nicely ask waiter to change it - Watch his temple throb - Note that 'attitude problem' needs no translation - Thank him as he slams revised liquid in front of me and MG - Conscious of him mumbling something under breath, maybe it was"I love my job"
In mid gulp when guy passes me business card explaining he is deaf and would like money - Consider scribbling note in return saying " am blind, can't read card" - Take another large gulp of wine instead. Food comes - As does another guy with a card in his hand to slap on table - This card explains that he needs money because he has a large family to feed and can't work as he only has one hand - Given his ability to forcefully plonk card on table WHILST holding a beer, I struggled to fully comprehend the restrictions his calling card proclaimed!
Try to catch eye of Spains 'Waiter of the Year' for bill - Watch him turn - Watch full bottle of wine drop from tray he is holding - Watch it smash to ground - Watch him begin to take some 'time-out' by drifting into a psychotic break
Watch approach of other members of staff, running to his aid as he hysterically grumbles incomprehensible obscenities, whilst kicking tables - No doubt his coat in the cloakroom will be a strait jacket. Eventually return to villa - Drink in the panoramic view of mountains and olive trees for the last time, with a teary eye - Relish reflecting on every beautiful, mad moment with MG - Quickly dry eyes to avoid MG's questions - Pivot around to spot MG looking at me through living room window, warm smile, tenderly plumping her cheeks.
Go inside to face her, before packing for home, and to ask what memories she'll be taking back with her - Listen with eyes welling up with more tears as she says "There isn't one moment that hasn't brought me happiness. I only hope we'll get to enjoy more times like this some day. It's been good, hasn't it Plumb?" Hearing her call me by the nick-name she used to, when I was a little kid, soon had me blubbering snot bubbles and reaching for tissues - MG's last sentence helped plug the flow...
" You've always been an ugly crier haven't you?"
Thanks MG....I love you too...