Friday, 16 June 2017

The Turn...



Youth now spent

As age stomps on

Leaves wistful thoughts

Of all that's gone

'Cos now where once

I did turn heads

My wizened form

Turns stomachs instead!


© Copyright Lynn Gerrard


Sunday, 11 June 2017

When I Am Gone...



When I am gone

I shall not miss

That which I was

Nor shall I miss

That which

I might have been

I shall miss only

That which I never was

To you




Poem only ©Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Home...



Home lies not

Where the heart is

For the heart is fickle

And easily distracted

Home lies where

The soul best fits

And for some

Such a place 


Holds a darkness


Like no other





Poem only ©Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Alone...



Sometimes

Being alone

Is too much

Of a crowd


© Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Monday, 5 June 2017

Holiday Cat An' Me....



A little while ago, whilst holidaying on the idyllic island of Majorca, an unlikely friendship was formed between myself and a rather beautiful, calico feline after she sashayed into the grounds of the villa one day and instantly made herself at home.

Here are our own separate diary entries each documenting the tender evolution of our wonderful palship...
I have arrived....
prepare to adore me, human....

Day 1, Me:

Cat appeared from nowhere...very friendly...decided to give her treats. Have called her 'Holiday Cat' aka 'Meow-Meow'.

Day 1, Cat:

Another human arrived from 'Who gives a shit'...particularly malleable...decided to purr for her to acquire treats. Have called her 'Sucker' aka 'Sucker'.

Day 2, Me:

Wonderful to be greeted on terrace this morning by Meow-Meow...her affectionate rubbing around my legs brought even more joy to an already glorious day.

Day 2, Cat:

Wonderful to rid self of build-up of evening's shite by rubbing fur on legs of Sucker...brought much relief to an already itchy day.

Day 3, Me:

Relaxing here by the pool in the brilliant sunshine, I cannot help but gaze and ponder upon the graceful dexterity of Meow-Meow as, through a series of well-practiced licks, she scrupulously tends to her personal hygiene regimen. Nature truly is a wonderful thing.



Day 3, Cat:

Sprawled here in the blinding sunshine, I cannot help but wonder why Sucker persists to stare at me so intensely and at length as I lick my arse...voyeurism truly is a worrying thing.



Day 4, Me:

This morning, opened balcony door...Meow-Meow deposited mouse by feet...screamed...found courage to grab slice of ham to distract her...rescued mouse and placed in box to recover.

Day 4, Cat:

Gift well received...Sucker squealed with what can only be interpreted as delight...took offering away obviously to devour in private. Slice of ham reward for my generosity. Hm...more rodent gifts to follow methinks.


Day 5, Me:

Does this LOOK like
my happy face???
Arrived back from sightseeing jaunt later than expected...good to be welcomed by harmonious mewling of a very patient Meow-Meow endearingly unperturbed by the lateness of the evening meal I always prepare for her.

Day 5, Cat:

Where the f**k has she been all day and where the f**k is my food!

Day 6, Me:

Thunder and lightning raging across sky...despite my fear of it I cannot leave Meow-Meow to endure it outside alone...I shall sit with her, stroke her and bring her comfort.

Day 6, Cat:

Whole evenings ratting ruined by my having to babysit soft-shite, Sucker.


Mmm...sardines...whoopie f*****g  woo!!!

Day 7, Me:

My last day at the villa...dreading saying goodbye to Meow-Meow tomorrow...tonight will be her last treat of the tinned sardines she so adores.

Day 7, Cat:

For God's sake, when will Sucker and her sardine obsession sod off back home!...my breath reeks and my oily farts are knocking me sick!







Day 8, Me:

Never expected to get so attached to Meow-Meow...will miss her morning greetings...will miss the company of her gentle softness...will miss the soothing hum of her purring...will miss her...

Day 8, Cat:

Never expected to get so attached to Sucker...will miss her morning greetings...will miss the  company of her gentle strokings...will miss the soothing hum of her noises....will miss.......hold on...are those new people arriving???......Sucker?...Who the hell is Sucker???...


MEOW-MEOW looking after SUCKER during the storm

© Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Sunday, 28 May 2017

IF...



If it was not for Today

There would be no Tomorrow

If it was not for Yesterday

There would be no Today

If it was not for measuring time

We would know freedom.




Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Monday, 22 May 2017

Dear Person...*Blog Post*



Dear Person On Duty Behind The 'We Are Here To Help' Desk,

May I suggest that in order to perpetuate the myth that you actually ARE 'Here To help' you replace your customer greeting of "Go on then, what's up?" with a more courteous "Good morning/afternoon, how may I help you?"


Perhaps, should you ever manage to undergo the necessary surgery to remove a cupped palm from an unshaven chin as you lean upon your elbow in a state of disgruntlement, you could attempt to curve your tightly pinched, inconvenienced lips into, at least, the semblance of a smile?

(A visual aid has been included with this missive to assist you in implementing such an arduous manoeuvre).

Also, as innovative as it may be that you have utilised your body odour as a means of repelling customers who bear complaints, I personally find the anaesthetising properties of your pungent pits to be overly productive. Perhaps a visit to the 'personal hygiene' section of your store could prove advantageous both for yourself and for anyone within a five-mile radius. 

Dear Person Who Parks Car On Pavement Blocking All Pedestrian Access Causing Havoc For Disabled People And Those Pushing Prams,

You park in disabled bays too, don't you? Well, being a selfish prick isn't a disability! Think of people other than yourself! 



Obviously, in order to do that, you'd need to enquire about having your lobotomy reversed, however, I'm certain such an effort would be gratefully appreciated by all those vulnerable passers-by who struggle daily to resist the urge to take a sledgehammer to you and your vehicle!



Dear Person Who Lets Their Dog Off The Lead In Park Despite Plethora Of Signs Stating It Is PROHIBITED!,

No doubt it will come as a great shock to discover that your precious bundle of bouncy-wouncy furriness has the potential to rip a baby's face off based on the principle that anything with a f******g mouth can bite!!

Yes, I know that your fluffy-diddums wouldn't hurt a fly but flies are not at risk here, are they?

I grasp that it's hard for you to absorb the notion that your four-legged chum could be more 'feral' than 'friendly' but that's just how it is.

And yes, I've read the heartwarming stories where a poor pooch left bereft  by its owners' demise has kept a loyal, lengthy and solitary vigil splayed across their grave...very touching...

...but I've also read the heart-stopping stories where a poor pooch, suddenly and inexplicably bereft of its senses has unceremoniously leapt upon its owner, shredding them to pieces as one would pulled pork whilst casting a blood-crazed eye over the hamster for potential dessert!

And finally...

Dear Person Who Wears Crocs,

DON'T!!!



© Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Sunday, 21 May 2017

Wilde and the Gargoyle...





The Gargoyle thought

Of Oscar Wilde

As to herself

She muttered

I may be looking

At the stars

But I'm stuck

In this bloody Gutter!



© Copyright Lynn Gerrard

'Can't Do Right'...



I can't do right

For doing wrong

So I'm going to sing

The 'Can't Do Right' Song

Don't look for a melody

'Cos there is no tune

Needless to say

I screwed that up too!


© Copyright Lynn Gerrard


Most Cruel...



I do not know

Which is the most 

Cruel

Losing the energy

Of youth

Or retaining

The memory of it


© Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Thursday, 18 May 2017

Dark Passion...



Give me calm

In my head

Give me chaos

In my bed

Use your tongue

To console

Let dark passion

Take control



Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Sunday, 12 February 2017

Song Of Life...



When

The ground

No longer dances

To the rhythm

Of our tread

When

Our song of life

No longer

Fills the air

When

By man's hand

We are pushed

Into extinction

Will

The absence

Of our music

Bring despair.



Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Saturday, 11 February 2017

Everything...



You

Who have

Everything

Would give me

Little

Yet I

Who have little

Would give you

Everything



Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Saturday, 4 February 2017

Shadow Dancing...




Our bones may creak

Our skin may sag

But we can leave 

Old age behind

If we dare to step

Beyond the flesh

Onto the dance floor

Of the mind!




Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Monday, 30 January 2017

Happiness...



Happiness cracked my ribs

And gave me wrinkles

My laughter lines

Are deeper than an Arctic crack

I have to wear a corset

Since my sides split

And I've been in stitches

More times

Than a needlepoint plaque!

Yes, happiness has caught me

Creased up and crying

Doubled over

And rolling in the aisles

I've bust a gut, cracked up

Thought I was dying

When I got lock jaw

Through an overzealous smile!

Happiness has left me

Panting madly

Struggling to find a breath

In a great guffaw

But more than that

It's made me feel quite shameful

When a chuckling chortle's caused me

To wet my drawers!

All in all

You're welcome to your merriment

But in my case

It's just not working out

The risk assessment's proven

Joy's too damaging

So, I'll medicate on misery

Through a pout.




Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Sunday, 29 January 2017

Let My Tears Flow...





Let my tears flow

That they should carry

The unrelenting ache

Of my broken heart

Back to a place

Where once

You and I

Held the other close

And would never part.



Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Sunday, 22 January 2017

Colours...



All is not lost

Have ye more faith

The light may dim

And in shadow bathe

Still, in the darkness


Should you gaze


You'll catch the colours


Dancing in the shade





Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Saturday, 21 January 2017

The Yoke...



A yoke of worry

Presses upon my shoulders

As burdensome a weight

As sea soaked sand

Each grain a vessel

Bloated with my troubles

Each step I take

Pulling me closer

Towards the ground

And should I fall

I fear I will not rise again

Solely for the lack

Of a helping hand

Yet were it offered

I doubt that I would take it

What use the gesture

If not the care to understand

Perhaps

If I surrender tthe pressure

Of the weighted sandbags

Swollen with my woes

And allow the gritty contents

To consume me

I would find release

Within death's throes

Or better I should stand

Against such hardship

Refusing to succumb to my life's trials

And free myself of all

That would devour me

By removing sorrows

One grain at a time.



Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard

Saturday, 14 January 2017

Sleep Not...



As weary as I am

I do not crave sleep

I fear its touch

For the loss of all

It takes

For the stolen moments

Of my life it harvests

When spent

I have lost the battle

To stay awake.

I tremble

Before the monsters

Sleep delivers

As they drag

My soul

Through chambers

Bedecked in dread

But most of all

Terror stalks

My senses

With the knowledge that

Sleep is but a taste

Of death.



Poem only © Copyright Lynn Gerrard