Monday, 5 June 2017

Holiday Cat An' Me....



A little while ago, whilst holidaying on the idyllic island of Majorca, an unlikely friendship was formed between myself and a rather beautiful, calico feline after she sashayed into the grounds of the villa one day and instantly made herself at home.

Here are our own separate diary entries each documenting the tender evolution of our wonderful palship...
I have arrived....
prepare to adore me, human....

Day 1, Me:

Cat appeared from nowhere...very friendly...decided to give her treats. Have called her 'Holiday Cat' aka 'Meow-Meow'.

Day 1, Cat:

Another human arrived from 'Who gives a shit'...particularly malleable...decided to purr for her to acquire treats. Have called her 'Sucker' aka 'Sucker'.

Day 2, Me:

Wonderful to be greeted on terrace this morning by Meow-Meow...her affectionate rubbing around my legs brought even more joy to an already glorious day.

Day 2, Cat:

Wonderful to rid self of build-up of evening's shite by rubbing fur on legs of Sucker...brought much relief to an already itchy day.

Day 3, Me:

Relaxing here by the pool in the brilliant sunshine, I cannot help but gaze and ponder upon the graceful dexterity of Meow-Meow as, through a series of well-practiced licks, she scrupulously tends to her personal hygiene regimen. Nature truly is a wonderful thing.



Day 3, Cat:

Sprawled here in the blinding sunshine, I cannot help but wonder why Sucker persists to stare at me so intensely and at length as I lick my arse...voyeurism truly is a worrying thing.



Day 4, Me:

This morning, opened balcony door...Meow-Meow deposited mouse by feet...screamed...found courage to grab slice of ham to distract her...rescued mouse and placed in box to recover.

Day 4, Cat:

Gift well received...Sucker squealed with what can only be interpreted as delight...took offering away obviously to devour in private. Slice of ham reward for my generosity. Hm...more rodent gifts to follow methinks.


Day 5, Me:

Does this LOOK like
my happy face???
Arrived back from sightseeing jaunt later than expected...good to be welcomed by harmonious mewling of a very patient Meow-Meow endearingly unperturbed by the lateness of the evening meal I always prepare for her.

Day 5, Cat:

Where the f**k has she been all day and where the f**k is my food!

Day 6, Me:

Thunder and lightning raging across sky...despite my fear of it I cannot leave Meow-Meow to endure it outside alone...I shall sit with her, stroke her and bring her comfort.

Day 6, Cat:

Whole evenings ratting ruined by my having to babysit soft-shite, Sucker.


Mmm...sardines...whoopie f*****g  woo!!!

Day 7, Me:

My last day at the villa...dreading saying goodbye to Meow-Meow tomorrow...tonight will be her last treat of the tinned sardines she so adores.

Day 7, Cat:

For God's sake, when will Sucker and her sardine obsession sod off back home!...my breath reeks and my oily farts are knocking me sick!







Day 8, Me:

Never expected to get so attached to Meow-Meow...will miss her morning greetings...will miss the company of her gentle softness...will miss the soothing hum of her purring...will miss her...

Day 8, Cat:

Never expected to get so attached to Sucker...will miss her morning greetings...will miss the  company of her gentle strokings...will miss the soothing hum of her noises....will miss.......hold on...are those new people arriving???......Sucker?...Who the hell is Sucker???...


MEOW-MEOW looking after SUCKER during the storm

© Copyright Lynn Gerrard

2 comments:

  1. Haha, Lynn! It probably goes very much like that in a cat's mind! Good one! Hope you enjoyed your holiday! Xx

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    1. Thanks, Val....we go with my 85 year old mum every year and she's terrified of cats but a vodka or two into the holiday one night and her and Meow-Meow were great friends,
      at least for that evening haha! xx

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