**RANDOM RANT ALERT**
On the 26th of October, my 6 foot Christmas tree was joyously decorated with baubles and erected in the window of my living room...much to the amazement of passers-by whose gaping maws mouthed incredulity more, I suspect, than they would have had I suctioned my naked form in a Garfield stance to that very pane.
Now then, there were several reasons for my doing this and each of those reasons comprises entirely of the words " because I f*****g can!"
As for my being told by some "it's too early" well, maybe it could be deemed so had I erected it in THEIR living room...but I didn't...did I? No!
So, I tell you what...how about YOU don't tell me when it's the right time to put my tree up and I won't tell all of you pyrotechnical premature ejaculates to stick your fireworks in an orifice of my choosing when you're frightening the shite out of my dog weeks before bonfire night, which is bad enough in itself!
Ok?
Excellent...
Thank you for tuning into Lynn's Rant...
Ps: No animals were harmed during the erecting of my Christmas tree!
Pps: Merry Christmas!!
© Copyright Lynn Gerrard
I'd like to make a public apology to the sales person I encountered whilst shopping earlier, for my behaviour. Had I known that you were taking part in some kind of sleep study as you stood there, propping up that shelf, I'd never have approached you so brazenly to enquire as to the location of the particular items I required.
My God!! What was I thinking?
And, oh, the shame that overwhelms me when I consider how, despite my callous and selfish attitude, you still managed to raise your 'customer service' finger to point in the general direction of the area where my wants could be found.
Managerial promotion is in the pipeline for you, methinks!
I'm certain that had I been able to actually see through the several stock-littered aisles which separated the goods from the directions your digit was alluding to, I'd have reached them much more quickly but this was not the case. Once again I had let you down by my failing to study the shop floor plan before actually entering the premises.
Also, I hope that my staring at you for some time following these events didn't disturb you in any way? I was simply trying to imagine what you'd look like if you had a personality but.... seems I failed you there too!
Best regards for the future...presuming you can be arsed to have one!
P.S. I need you to know, I typed this with my middle finger!
© Copyright Lynn Gerrard
So, I tell you what...how about YOU don't tell me when it's the right time to put my tree up and I won't tell all of you pyrotechnical premature ejaculates to stick your fireworks in an orifice of my choosing when you're frightening the shite out of my dog weeks before bonfire night, which is bad enough in itself!
