Saturday, 25 October 2014

Brenda...**BLOG POST**...

Ted's a character I introduced in a series of writings I penned a while ago...He's a thirty-something young man of best intentions and dubious outcomes with an insufferable old granny whom he loves very much despite her terminal irreverence to everything!...

I'm sure Ted will share such goings on with you some other time but for now, he has a few things he needs to say about his friend...


BRENDA...

I first met Brenda at Slimming World...I helped open the double doors to let her in. 


;)
It was a beautiful summers day which was perfect because a little party was being held outside in celebration of one of the members losing an amazing amount of weight in a very short time...(personally, I thought cancer was cheating but...hey-ho! a party's a party I suppose).

Me and Brenda got chatting over a low-fat pork pie at the buffet. Well, I say 'chatting'...she was trying to wrestle it out of my hand. Nevertheless, I couldn't help thinking how eye catching she was...not every woman could carry off a muzzle. 


To break the ice I asked her how she'd got there that day...(I suspected airlifted)...and before we knew it we were nattering away like old pals. I'm glad to say that that's exactly what we became.


Our relationship's always been platonic and that's nothing to do with her prices...to be fair she does offer a discount for mates...it's just how it was and there was no one as happy as I was when she met Barry through the 'Syphilitics On-Line Dating Agency'.


Brenda said it was uncanny really because she remembered Barry from when he was a little lad. Him and a few of his like-minded mates, each keen violinists, formed their own little group called 'The Kiddie Fiddlers'.



Apparently, they were very popular too in their youth and used to perform a lot at children's parties but sadly, for some reason, they weren't as well received when they got older.


Electric Chair Whoopie CushionAnyway, me, Brenda and Barry have all been pals together now for many years and in that time, I'm proud to say, I've got to know their families very well. So much so that I even got an invite to Barry's Dad's execution in Georgia last Christmas. It was a warming affair, I can tell you. 

As for Barry's Mum, well that woman always makes a particular effort to make people feel at home...indeed she never fails to welcome everyone with open legs...as Brenda's Dad will attest most fervently.


But enough of all that! I think it's time we got on with the celebration of the occasion..so all that's left to say now is......


"Ladies and Gentlemen...without further ado...would you please be upstanding and join me in raising your glasses, to the Bride and groom....Brenda and Barry...........hip hip......hoorayyyyyy"

Ahh, I do love a good wedding...



©Copyright Lynn Gerrard 

7 comments:

  1. Such a lovely family. Never a dull or sane moment.

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  2. Entertained again and with tears in my eyes I will circulate a great piece.

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    1. Thank you!! You're far too kind to me ...and I love it! lol...:)

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  3. You total Wazzock!! Love this! Great turn of phrase ..... had me in stitches..which the surgeon says will be removed, along with the straitjacket, next week.

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    1. Haha! crazy Wazzock o'mine...Glad you likied it...:) x

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  4. This is great - I love the bit about cancer being cheating.... :^D

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    1. Thanks Terry...good to know my sick sense of humour is appreciated...lol...;)

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