I've always loathed the syrupy bollocks spewed out by certain songs...the nauseating stench of narcissism prolific throughout each of 'em...
....songs such as 'ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT'. The recipient of such egotistical lyrics was never allowed their own voice...so, I've given them one...
"Are you lonesome tonight?"
"Do you miss me tonight?"
And you are?
"Are you sorry we drifted apart?"
Oh, God...it's you...*groan*
"Does your memory stray, to the bright summer day, when I kissed you and called you 'sweetheart?"
Yeah...and it still makes me want to throw up
"Do the chairs in the parlour seem empty and bare?"
No...'cos I used them to burn an effigy of you
"Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?"
Not since I installed security cameras
"Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again"
That would be in breach of the restraining order
"Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?"
Am I f**k!!!
Moving on to another cringe-worthy 'It's-All-About-Me-Me-Me' dirge...let's explore the self-obsessed lyrics of Enrique Iglesias' 'HERO'...
"Would you dance if I asked you to dance?"
This is a McDonald's drive-in, not a lapdance club
"Or would you run and never look back?"
Only if you got out the car
"Would you cry if you saw me crying?"
I always cry when I laugh
"And would you save my soul tonight?"
I'd stuff it in your Happy Meal as I fart your name
"Would you tremble if I touched your lips?"
Not as much as you would when I taser you
"Or would you laugh, Oh, please tell me this"
Probably, when I watch you piss yourself
"Now would you die for the one you love?"
I wouldn't even dye my hair
"Oh, hold me in your arms tonight"
Needy little f****r aren't you?
"I can be your hero baby"
I'll remember that if I ever need a dickhead in a cape
"I can kiss away the pain"
Good news for my haemorrhoids
"I will stand by you forever"
Wonderful, I'll be stood on platform 2 at the train station...you can stand on the tracks
"You can take my breath away"
True, but if you promise to f**k off I'll give you your inhaler back
More Nauseating Narcissism comin' soon...
© Copyright Lynn Gerrard